Phantom of the Milkshake
by It was a Dark and Stormy Night
Summary: Akashi wanted to meet all of the GoM at the park. But then he makes a very bad mistake...He spills Kuroko's milkshake. All of hell will freeze over in 3...2...1... Crack-ish? OOC Kuroko? Two-shot! Special!
1. Chapter 1

Kuroko No Basuke is no belong to me! Ahahaha! You get it? Kuroko NO Basuke? No belong to me? No? /Shot\ Any way, all rights to the almighty and powerful owner.

Kuroko walked to the park with a vanilla milkshake in his hands. Akashi had ask, no demanded that the Generation of Miracles come to the park. _What could Akashi want now?_ When he arrived, Akashi was leaning against the wall, while Aomine was lazily sitting on the bench. The others had not arrived yet. Kuroko silently walked over to Aomine. "Hello Akashi-kun, Aomine-kun." Aomine's head shot up and he had to cover his mouth to hide his scream. "TETSU! What the hell's wrong with you? I told you to stop that!" Akashi sighed and looked over to Tetsuya. He never managed to scare Daiki. "Tetsuya, it is nice to see you again." Kuroko nodded. "Yo Akashi, why'd you call us here?" "I have to agree with Aomine-kun. Why did you call us here?"

Akashi smiled. THE Akashi smiled. This was not a good sign. In fact, it was like hell freezing over. "I heard some _things_ regarding practice Daiki." Aomine gulped. "What does that have to do with me Akashi-kun?" "It has nothing to do with you. I just wanted to see you." Kuroko tilted his head and sipped his vanilla milkshake. Aomine on the other hand was shaking like crazy. "Daiki, tell me why you've been skipping practice? You must be at your top game when in the Winter Cup." Aomine looked over to Kuroko for support. He didn't get any. In fact, he got even more scared. Kuroko had an angry look in his eyes. _Snip Snip. _He was dead.

"KUROKOCCHI!" Kise said glomping Kuroko and interrupting Aomine and Akashi. "Domo Kise-kun." Kuroko said bowing. "You're so cute Kurokocchi! ~" Scissor suddenly appeared next to his face. A few seconds later, there was a hole in Kuroko's milkshake, leaking out all of it. Kise and Aomine's faces became pale. "Ah, gomen Tetsuya, but you really should stop drinking so many of those milkshakes. It's very unhealthy." "Akashicchi… you shouldn't say that to Kurokocchi…" "Hm? But I am absolute." Kuroko's faced darkened. "You split my milkshake…" "TESU, I'LL BUY YOU A NEW ONE! DON'T BE MAD AT US!" Aomine cried on his knees, bowing to Kuroko. Kise did the same. They all knew what happed when Kuroko didn't finish his daily vanilla milkshake.

~~~~Flashback~~~~

"Oi Tetsu! Give me some of your milkshake, I'm thirsty!" "No fair Aominecchi! I want some of Kurokocchi's milkshake!" They started tugging on Kuroko's shake. Then it happened, the milkshake splatter everywhere. Kuroko was not pleased. "You spilt my milkshake…" Aomine and Kise had to be rushed to the hospital shortly after the incident.

~~~~ Back to the Present~~~~

"Akashi-kun, there are many perks of drinking a vanilla milkshake." "Oh? What would they be Tetsuya?" "Well, because they have milk in them they are filled with calcium. They also have sugar in them so you won't fall asleep." "But those are the only things you drink." "I also drink water Akashi-kun…" After the conversation was an intense stare-down. Shortly after, the rest of the GoM was there. "What the hell are you wearing?!" Aomine said pointing at Midorima. He had a helmet on…while holding on to a boom-box…playing Nyan-Cat music. "Oha-Asa said today would be an unlucky day for Cancers so we had to keep our lucky items close. Today was a boom-box." "Playing Nyan-Cat, Mido-chin?" "No, it was a friend's… and he had they disc in… Anyway, why are Akashi and Kuroko having a staring contest?" They could feel the angry aura around the two. "Akashi spilt some of Tetsu's vanilla shake…" They understood instantly.

"Tetsuya, are you defying me?"

"So what is I am Akashi-kun?"

"I am _**absolute.**_"

"You spilt my milkshake by _accident_. That does not make you absolute."

"So what if I did it on purpose?"

"Then I would not be pleased Akashi-kun."

"…"

"…"

All of a sudden Seirin suddenly appeared. "What's up with Kuroko?" Kagami asked. "That." The GoM pointed to the spilt milkshake. "Excuse me Kagami-kun." Kuroko pushed the HUGE boy aside. ((HEY! What's up with the HUGE in caps?! **My story Tiger…My rules…**)) Seirin followed the boy to a… cake shop? "I would like a pie please." "OH MY GOD GHO- Oh? I'm sorry…What size?" answered the cashier. "…A large…" "They would be 1800 yen please." "They," Kuroko said pointing to the group (Seirin) assembled near the door. "Will be paying." _HOW THE HELL DID HE SEE US?_ "Alright…" as the cashier handed him the pie. It was larger than his head. He walked back to the park. Kagami left alone to pay the fee. ((Why do you hate me so much?** I just do. Deal with it.** Damn it!))

"Hey Kuro-chin. Can I have your pie?" Everyone turned to Kuroko and his pie. "How did you-never mind…" Aomine said as he looked at Akashi. Oh, hell was going to break loose any moment. "Tetsuya, what are you going to do with the pie?" Akashi asked with a very tiny, so small not even a microscope could see, hint of fear in his voice.

"IGNITE…"

"OH SHIT!" "RUN!"

"PASS…"

"KUROKOCCHI NOOO!" "KURO-CHIN! DON'T WASTE THE PIE! GIVE IT TO ME!"

"KAI!" The threw the pie with all his might at Akashi. It was a direct hit. "OOMPH!" Akashi fell backwards and passed out. Pie splattered everywhere. Landing (somehow) on some part of the GoM. But they all stared in awe. Kuroko managed to wipe out the Demon Emperor out cold. "…LONG LIVED KUROKOCCHI!" Kise yelled and running over to glomp Kuroko. But another pie hit him in the face before it could happen. "Anyone else?" Kuroko said as he held up another pie and smiled. What was left of the GoM and Seirin shook their heads. As Kuroko left the park, the GoM and Seirin made a pact that they would never do anything to Kuroko's milkshakes again.

***** OMAKE*****

"IGNITE PASS KAI!" Kuroko threw it and it landed on… Kagami, who just paid for the pie. He was knocked out cold. "Oi Kagami! Wake up!" The whole team stared at him. "That's what you get for always following me home…pervert." Kuroko said as he took out his camera. Oh this was definitely going to go on F*cebo*k.

And there you go! I hope you enjoyed this wonder (and random) idea that popped up in my head! I'm sorry if something like this was created. If so… I SHOULD JUST GO DIE IN A DITCH, SHOULDN'T I?


	2. Chapter 2

THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE WANTED SO I SHALL GIVE YOU ALL THIS GLORIOUS GIFT. I do not own Kuroko No Basket. All rights to the owner.

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The aftermath of Tetsuya's all mighty Ignite Pass was… not pleasant. When Akashi woke up from his not so pleasing nap, next to him was Kise. Oh that poor unfortunate soul. "Ryouta, wake up." No response. "Wake up now." Nothing was heard. "ARE YOU DEFYING ME?" Silence was all you could hear. Akashi was FURIOUS. TWO PEOPLE dared defy him… IN ONE DAY. He couldn't take it anymore. He cut off all of Kise's hair. That poor thing… Akashi moved on to find his next prey. But Akashi missed something. He missed Kuroko getting a snapshot of Kise's bald hair. Kuroko was grinning. Oh how the rumors would fly~

Akashi spotted Bakagami and Ahomine in the distance. People were giving him weird looks because he hasn't gotten all the pie off his face yet. But they all backed away when they saw that demonic glare. "Daiki, Taiga how are you?" Akashi appeared from behind. "Oi Akashi! Do go Tetsu on us!" Kagami sweat dropped. Go Tetsu? Was that the best he could do? Akashi was not pleased. "Have you seen Tetsuya?" "Tatsuya? I'm pretty sure he was with Murasakibara a while ago…" "TETSUYA YOU FOOL. YOU DARE DEFY ME?!" "NO! WE DIDN'T MEAN TOO!" "GET ON YOUR KNEES AND KNEEL BEFORE ME PEASANTS!" They did as he demanded. Akashi was still unsatisfied. So he QUADRUPLED their training menus. How? Well, he had connections. The poor boys were left crying on the street. Everyone gave them weird looks. "FEEL MY PAIN!" Akashi yelled in their face before walking off. Little did they know Kuroko was trailing they and was getting this on YouTube.

He spotted Atsushi in the distance. He somehow caught up to the giant. He had to get some pills made so he could grow taller… "Atsushi, have you seen Tetsuya?" "Hm…" The giant looked around and caught a glimpse of light blue locks. Believe it or not, the giant was very fond of Kuroko so he managed to spot him faster than the rest. "Isn't he right- oomph!" A pie got him in the face. Akashi's head zipped in the direction it came from. "Tetsuya? Come out if you're there. You better not defy me." No response… So he walked away… slowly…backwards… until Murasakibara was nowhere in sight. Kuroko got out from behind the bushes. That was a close call. He glared at Murasakibara. "Murasakibara-kun, next time please don't reveal my position to Akashi-kun or I'll make sure _I SKIN YOU ALIVE._" He walked happily away.

This was his last chance. If Shintarou didn't know where Tetsuya was, he would never be able to have his revenge. He found him faster than the rest. It wasn't really a surprise. He was at his favorite place to be. The place that held almost every lucky item. The thrift shop. When he walked into the small store, he heard a familiar tune. What a coincidence, the store was playing "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore. He almost wanted to bang his head on the floor. He spotted locks of green so he headed over there. Who else had green hair in the anime? By the time he arrived at Shintarou's side, it was too late. All his fears were right in front of him. Midorima and Takao in "Granddad's clothes" dancing and singing along with the song. "I wear your Granddad's clothes" Midorima sung. "I look incredible" Takao sung back. "I'm in this big ass…AKASHI?!" The two stopped and looked at Akashi. Silence… "I'm going to leave now Shintarou…" He left without a word. "Good job guys, this is gonna get a lot of hit on YouTube~" Kuroko appeared behind them. "You think?" Takao asked. "I _KNOW_" He put of his shades and gave both of them high fives.

Where could Tetsuya be? HE NEEDED REVENGE. "Looking for me Akashi-kun?" Kuroko asked as he suddenly appeared out of nowhere. They glared at each other.

"TETSUYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"AKASHI-KUNNNNNN!"

"TETSUYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"AKASHI-KUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

"AUTHORRRRR!"

"….."

"Please go away author-san…"

"Okay…."

"TETSUYAAAAAAAA!"

"AKASHI-KUUNNNNN!"

They both took out their pies and threw it at each other. Kuroko won of course. He didn't go through all that training to lose a bottle of throwing pies. In fact, in the underground world he was called "Shadow Phantom Pie Throwing Emperor". The fact that he had "Emperor in his title made him happy. He took a photo of Akashi's face and posted it on Google. "HAHAHAHAHAA! I WIN AGAIN! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME NOOBS!" There goes another sane Miracle…

* * *

Thank you everyone who read this story! It means a lot to me! If you want to read something similar to this, please go read my other story, "Kuroko in Wonderland"! (Shameless self promoting…) I also do not own "Thrift Shop."


	3. Special

So, I decided to write a short special in this story. Think of it as a Christmas gift. What? It's not Christmas? How would you know baka. Also, thanks for the 2K views.

WARNING: INSANE OOC KUROKO, LITTLE BIT OF AKAKURO CUASE I LOVE IT (bdbgfjkfbwej) AND THE TROLOL SONG.

I DON'T OWN ANYTHING BUT THE PLOT. KUROKO NO BASKET AND "THE TROLL SONG" DON'T BELONG TO ME.

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Seirin: 102 Rakuzan: 100

Seirin had won the Winter Cup. Rakuzan knew it once they heard the buzzer go off. Not even Akashi couldn't believe it. All the members of Seirin ran off the court and celebrated. They were in tears. Hyuga and Kiyoshi hive-fived each other while Riko just cried on the shoulder of one of the first years. Kagami's legs gave out from all the pressure they had undergone, but even he could be seen crying tears of joy while yelling "YOSH!" Everyone but Kuroko was celebrating. Kuroko was standing right where he was, smiling. Meanwhile Rakuzan was dumbstruck. They had lost to a newly founded team! But Akashi was the most affected. No more will his motto "I am absolute," will be in effect. He was beaten. He was beaten by Teiko's number 11, the rumored Phantom Player, _Kuroko Tetsuya. _He looked up to see his team on the floor with towels over their heads, hiding the tears of sadness. Heck, even he felt like crying, until Kuroko walked over to him. "Congrats Tetsuya. You have beaten me and the Generation of Miracles." Akashi said. Kuroko looked at him with his normal poker face. But then that broke into a grin. He whispered to Akashi, "You f*ckin lost b**ch. The pie I threw at you probably affected your eyesight." No one could NOT see the rage radiating from Akashi. He got up and… chased Kuroko around the court? What? Both teams watched as Kuroko was running away from Akashi in a comical way while the annoying tune "TROLOLOL LOLOLO LOLOL LOLOL TROLOLOLLOLOL!" Played from his phone. "TETSUYAAA!" Akashi screamed. Once he caught a hold of Kuroko, he tackled him to the ground. "Well, well, well. What do we have here?" Akashi said while smirking. "If you wanted a kissed Akashi-kun, you could have asked." Kuroko kissed Akashi smack on the lips, leaving him and the rest of the GoM's shocked.

"KUROKOCCHI'S PURE LIPS!"

"TETSU-KUN! WHY AKASHI?!"

"OI TETSU! WHY HIM?!"

"WHAT THE HECK?! NANDYO?!"

"KURO-CHIN?! WTF?"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING! WHAT THE HECK KUROKO?!"

Using the aftershock of the kiss, Kuroko slipped away and ran outside, hoping he could make it to his house on time.

* * *

I had no idea what caused me to write this. Please don't ask. I don't know what went through my head. But I'm sure you guys all wanted this to happen as well. You also wanted another chapter in this story too. Don't deny it.


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